Beega Deesapointma ata Caffe Culture

Buon giorno a tutti i miei lettori leali!

Just whena the Don isa thinkin that there isa no chance for the caffe ina de UK somebodys a tella me thata the place to go to see de real caffe isa Caffe Culture.

Grazie a Dio per questo! So, quicker than you can say kissa ma ring I is makea ma way to Kensington to the Olympia, home ofa de Caffe Culture.

An you know what? Isa fantastic, widda lotsa gooda caffe  and witha good machine ofa every kind for de making ofa de espresso. I learna da names in Eenglish, see here: ‘traditional’, ‘semi automatic’, ‘automatic’ anda de ‘pods’. Eesa justa likea being home ina Italia.

Ees fantastico! Every things for what da peeples is need for a runa da good café isa ere.

But der isa strange ting wot I see. There is a lot of peoples walking about posing like dey is King and Queens with a de big show-off! I thinka to me selfa, kissa ma ring.

Dey is dressing up widda de flat caps, scarves anda de aprons and dey is callin deyselva ‘Master Barista’.

How you say in Eengland? I tink some bodysa pullin de sheeps over de eyes.
Ina ma country de barista is the persona who serva de drinks. Dey serve all da drinks to evry peoples. Any drink dat de peoples wanta including de caffe. Datta all dey do. Dey no cura da cancer. Dey no scora de winninga goal. Dey no maka de movies.

Here in Eengland, thinka ‘Barista’ meana ‘special persona’ who isa better than every other peoples becausa dey maka de caffe.

I saysa, ‘kissa my ring’ to all dey peoples who thinka makinga coffee coma closa seconda to discover theory ofa relativity or landa ona de moona.

Isa no big deal to be da big show offa! Because everybodies isa making de good caffe ina Italia. Whatta ifa we alla walka through Milano widda da flata cap anda de scarf? Isa looka like Huddersfield! Withouta de ferrretsa!

Terzo Lección

Anna guees whatta? Whena one a dees guys ina da flata cap is a makea da cappuccino, everbody’s is a whooping anda shouting anda screaming anda clapping anda me tinka heesa whole famiglia isa coma to watcha.

I shouta to him ‘isa only de cappuccino, sciocco!’, but he donta heara me because de head isa too far up ees  asino to hear anybodiesa.

I gotta getta outta. So I leava. Caffe Culture? Gooda machina, but dey Eenglish who maka da caffe? Kissa ma ring, OK?

Salute from a Don Caffe!
Hey, you lika me? Kissa ma ring!
You no lika me? Kissa ma ring!

Don Caffe does Vendex South

Buon giorno a tutti i miei lettori leali!

Dey saya da Eenglish, dey makea dey owna fun. I no idea whatta thisa meana, untila I geta invito to Vendex deener, at Tweekersnam…

Invito saysa musta weara da Hawaii shirta. I saysa to myselfa, ‘Kissa ma ring, do I looka lika man who hasa da Hawaii shirta? You Eenglish: crazy as a da olda lady.

But I hava to buya da shirt. Costa fifty bucksa. Deener eesa costa fifty fiva bucksa, and thisa already too mucha money to spenda time with a da vending mens, but I thinka to myself ‘donta worry, Don Caffe, cosa dey is ‘entertainment’ ina da price ofa de biglietto… Sorry, de ticketo.

‘Entertainment? Four people outta da crowda, dey hava to go ona da stagea, an a trya to keep upa da Hula Hoopa. Eesa last five minuti and thena, eesa all over. Nona dey peoples canna keepa upa da Hoola Hoopa. Eesa whatta you calla ‘dead ina da water.’ Anda nobody fell over anda nobody flasha da panty.

‘Entertainment? Divertimento? Kissa ma ring. I adda da nosableed lasta montha and thata was morea entertaina danna da Vendex Deener. De waspa stinga? Eesa more entertaina danna da Vendex Deener. Cutt offa da fingers ina da parma hama slicer? Eesa more entertaininga danna da Vendex Deener.

I saysa so to a da funny lady with a da curlers hair, an I aska her who ees ina da charga? And shea tella me thata da mana ina da charga, he a Feel Raynoldes, but I never heard ofa disa ‘Raynoldes’ woman. And the lady with a da curlers hair? She keepa say ‘you wanna feel, you wanna feel’ ana I ama very tempteda, but I saysa to her ‘maybe later but firsta musta talka toa da mana in a da charga.’

I never speaka toa da mana in a da charga. Thinka he leava early, to ridea ‘Blacka Bessa’ homa toa da stable.

Secondo Lección 

Ana da caffe? Was ita any gooda ata Tweekersnam? I know you wanta to know, buta theesa time I no reviewa da caffe, cosa I hada da bitter tasta ina da moutha. Serious? I cana say you it was asa crapa as da entertaina. There was spinacha widda every coursa da deener and i teenk dey wasa spinacha ina da caffe. So, youra secondo leccion: Never, ever puta da spinacha ina da caffe. Ess a tasta sheet.

P.S.: Anyone wanna buya da Hawaii shirta?

Salute from a Don Caffe!
Hey, you lika me? Kissa ma ring!
You no lika me? Kissa ma ring!

Don Caffe UK Tour 2010

Buon giorno a tutti i miei lettori leali!

Ah meta this guy firsta day I’ma come to Eengland, Ah tink hees name isa Rikki, but a maybea it was ‘Sticky’? Canta be sura. Nicea guy, si; and very polita. He kissa ma ring. (Beena thinking: donta believa ‘Sticky’ ees right, because he looka lika nothinga ever sticka to heem).
Anyways, ah say heem, whata you do ina Eengland?
He say he makea da coffee machinea.
Ah say dey makea da coffee machinea made in Eengland, kissa ma ring! Where ina Eengland you makea deesa machinea?
Heesa say a leetil town near Torquay.

Ah say make uppa you mind, ees you making dem in Eengland or Turkey?Ah say heem, how you makea da coffee machines? And ah donna believea ma ears when eesa sayinga to me ‘froma sheet’.
Ah saysa whata?
Eesa say ‘froma sheeta metal’.
I no comprendi. Why isa he makea da machine froma sheeta metal? Why no usea da gooda stuff?
Ah says heem, there isa old saying ina my country – sheeta in, sheeta out! You never know dees? Wella kissa ma ring!
Ah tells heem, ifa you makea da machines from sheet the caffe must be sheet.
Ah will never take a caffe froma disa guy’s machines. Nicea guy, but no clue ona da coffee.

Primero Lección

Dees a simples. Ifa you wanta the besta Italian coffee, you havea to usea the besta machines froma peeples who knowsa how to makea da besta caffe Italiano. Becausa you needa the machines to makea da reala Italian espresso and you needa da peeples building de machines to knows how to makea da best Italian espresso.
Dis is why da besta machines ees coming from Eetaly!
I cannot make it any clearer thana that!

Salute from a Don Caffe!
Hey, you lika me? Kissa ma ring!
You no lika me? Kissa ma ring!